"THE HEART THIEF" (Poetry)

The heart thief knocked so softly, I almost didn’t hear the rapping at my door.
 
I was not expecting anyone, nor was I looking for company.
 
I peered through the small window in the door, the light from my porch reflecting particles of dust, floating slowly with the breeze.
 
As I stood there staring at this man with hair my favorite color rose, he looked back from the other side of the small glass pane, and the walls around me melted, the sounds disappeared into a heartbeat, and the temperature rose 20 degrees. Diamonds slowly seeped out of his heart shaped eyes, the color of my favorite dress, glittering and sparkling. He smiled and my entire essence left the inside of my body and began to pop and spritz on the surface of my skin.
 
I could not stop myself from opening that door. Conflicting screams of “I should not” and “I need to” battled silently in my thoughts as my hand reached for the doorknob. 

It was hot, but then again, the heat could have come from my hand. I opened the door, both reluctantly and wantingly at the same time, and yet somehow, without thought. I couldn’t talk. As he sifted through the outer screen door, he slowly glided past me, silently. Static filled my ears, and I was swept into a black hole, as I sailed through my own mind, passing stars and careening around corners, feeling heat and wind and nothing but panic and excitement.
 
This man, with rose colored hair flowing wavily down his back, this mysteriously dangerous stranger with an aura around him that emanated magnetic fluorescent waves of sunshine and heat laced ice, moved silently around what used to be a living room but was now an un-room with no walls, nor floor, nor ceiling that I was remotely conscious of in that moment. The only light I was aware of glowed outwardly from him, and all the accoutrements of home I was so used to in what was my life so seemingly long ago, no longer existed.
 
As he moved around me he was silent, yet the faint sound of his muse’s call filled every corner of what was once a room. The sound of my own heartbeat, now a low drumroll, flowed from my ears and slid down my arms, bouncing large droplets, the size of my dissolving will, against the floor somewhere below me, before settling, flattening, and seeping into nothing. This man with an aura so dark you could fall never ending into it, yet so reflectively shiny, it could burn your eyes and make you need, moved with the silken grace and smoothness of someone who could easily and slowly vaporize through my own body and crystalize on the other side, having taken whatever he wanted and all he wanted in the process.
 
He beckons me with no words and with no outward signs of doing so. But I can literally feel the pulling of my body to come closer, to let go, like a planet, the size of me, being sucked into a black abyss of need. He calls me to give in and give all with a voice made of my own thoughts, coming from a place I am no longer aware of and no longer in control of. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I protest. Or maybe I wanted to, but didn’t want to, so I told myself I did, because I can’t help myself, because I want to and I don’t want to, and the pull draws me closer. It just seems so much easier to let go of the life around me, and give in to this being with hypnotic eyes, and a smile that makes me see rainbows.
 
My heartbeat rose within me, split in two, and flowed down my arms and into my hands. He smiled his smile and diamonds glittered in the dark. He looked at me with eyes that glistened like lakes under a desert moon, bright and beautiful, yet dark and foreboding. Somewhere, I can sense a coldness around him, yet all I could feel was the crackle of heat, as my fears and emotions popped and sizzled over the entirety of my body.
 
My mind was screaming something so loud and so unintelligible in protest, as I slid forward without actually moving my legs. I shouldn’t. I know I shouldn’t. I sensed, without seeing, vignettes whizzing by my unconscious conscience of scenes from movies I’d never watched, showing me why I shouldn’t.
 
But…. I did. I don’t know why. Except I wanted to. Except I couldn’t help myself. Except I felt an overwhelming need that wasn’t there a minute before the soft rapping on my door.
 
As my world spun around me, and the sounds of life whirled into an erratic static that sounded like the snow you’d see on TV screens in the 60’s, my body stayed in place and moved forward at the same time. Maybe it was the rest of the room coming closer. But as I felt myself inexplicitly being drawn into his dark vortex, his eyes locked into mine. They were bright and dark at the same time, and had facets like diamonds, so they sparkled and gleamed from the light he emitted from within. He opened his arms wider, and although his lips never moved, and while there was no sound spoken, I felt the word “Come” on the inside, low, and drawn out, in a whisper that wasn’t meant to be kept secret.
 
I somehow drew closer to him, although I don’t recall even moving. I was feeling without thinking, sensing without knowing, everything… fear, excitement, caution, passion, want, need, desire. And no control at all.
 
I don’t know what happened next. He stared at me with those diamond eyes, and looked past mine, into every single other part of my body. He smiled a smile that was so disarming, yet clearly said “You’re mine now. I have you, and you very much want this”. I believed every word he did not speak. He opened his arms to allow me in, and little rolling balls of rose scented mercury slid down and onto the floor, popping and disappearing upon landing.
 
I felt hyper-sensitive and numb at the same time, yet somehow, this man of rose-colored hair and diamond eyes and I, coalesced into one. His want, or maybe my want, pulled me in. Or maybe … I don’t know. Suddenly everything tingled inside me. Heat, music, numbness and at the same time, every receptor in my body was on its’ very edge and jumping. I began to explode and implode, muscles I didn’t even know I had tightened and released, only to tighten again. I was not standing, I was not lying, I was somewhere in between, floating on spasms and waves and sounds I’d never made before and hardly recognized as my own. I could feel his complete hold on me and I wanted more. I let myself go and in that moment, his eyes glowed heat while his smile told me this, this moment, the whole of everything in this moment, was who he was. I dissolved into everything and nothing, as I pulsated, clenched, spasmed and emitted whatever guttural animalistic sounds were emanating from my body. My entire being burst with wave after wave of sensation after sensation. I’d given myself up, and I’d given him total control, and he absolutely reveled in that, as if that was his life force.
 
I don’t know how long I was like that. The world had fallen still, and time had phased into future lives and back again.
 
I opened my eyes, and my home was as before. I was slumped diagonally, on the couch, dressed very much as I was before I forgot to remember. The man, that being that showered me with will and force and a pull that doesn’t and can’t exist, was no longer present. Silence permeated my home, except for the distant buzzing in my head, and the soft sound of a distant television from a distant room.
 
My body was fatigued. Muscles tight, spasms slowed, as I rose unsteadily to my feet. I was unaware of thought. Confusion, coupled with too many thoughts and none at all, filled and vaporized over and over in my head.
 
What happened? Could it have been real? No, it was not. It couldn’t have been. My house is still my home, I am still me, and dreams are still dreams. I slowly gained my footing and walked towards the other end of my home, silently dripping small rolling balls of rose scented mercury down my arms and onto the rug, where they landed and popped into nothingness behind me. In the hallway, I peered into the mirror and stared at the eyes looking back, undecided as to whether they were bright or dark, but taken by the light that seemed to shine from within.

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